HEALTH

GIVING LOVE TO THE ONE YOU’RE WITH THIS VALENTINE’S DAY-- EVEN IF THAT’S YOU.

By Derek H. Suite, M.D.

It’s Valentine’s Day! Once again, the pressure to be in love or happily hitched is on. Red hearts dangle happily in every window; display chocolates strike curious poses at the local bakery; sappy loves songs dominate the air waves; and cute angels lock lips on greeting cards. Couples take over!

But for many who must go it alone, Valentine’s Day is a notoriously challenging obstacle course requiring expert navigational skills to avoid cupid’s flaming arrows--not to mention the persistent stream of “friendly” reminders detailing how wonderful it must feel to be wrapped in the arms of a doting soul mate, or be surrounded by a warm and supportive family, or adorned with roses, love songs, and chocolates.

Face it—short of leaving the country, there is no escape for the single, widowed, separated, divorced, isolated, or loner on this day. But just because you can’t fly away doesn’t mean you can’t have a plan. So if you are inclined to get lost among the five G’s of Valentine’s Day: giving up, grumbling, grimacing, or grieving, consider the following key points to establishing a new beginning:

• Don’t deny the pain and frustration — acknowledge them as real but remember they don’t last. Stay on the journey to healing. Haven’t you overcome trials and tribulations in the past?

• Challenge yourself to find a healthy outlet or treat to get through the Valentine’s blitz. Have you considered belly dancing?

• Refuse to create a new problem to deal with an old one. Avoid sleeping all day, overindulging and unprotected sex. What can you do that’s safe and self-affirming today?

• Make a pact with yourself that you will take the lead in getting comfortable with being alone, or risking to build new relationships. Who can you tell that will support you and your plans?

• Develop your spiritual life through prayer, or meditation, and associations with others who travel on the path of enlightenment. How do I find true purpose and meaning?

• Go for it and get the help you need. If you find that you are not able to get the support and encouragement you need from a trusted friend, clergy member, or family member, seek out professional help from a licensed professional who is sensitive to your situation. What’s stops you from asking for what you need?

By remaining open to new options and ways of looking at old patterns, beliefs and behaviors, new possibilities and solutions become more available. You have the power to purposely love yourself through your pain, loneliness, and fears. Starting right now, you can choose a new heart filled with gentleness for yourself and others; you can embrace a new spirit of giving to yourself and to the less fortunate; most of all, you can dare to create and attract new relationships that will fulfill you year round—not just on Valentine’s Day.

Who knows—with a new heart, you might find those chocolates, more appealing after all; and with a new spirit, you may become increasingly aware that roses bloom perpetually in your soul; and with a new relationship with self, you just might be inclined to dance in the mirror to those once sappy love songs.

So, this Valentine’s Day—in fact this year— take the risk no matter where you find yourself make sure that you are in love and taking good care of the one you’re with—that’s you. ©2007 Derek H. Suite, M.D.

Derek H. Suite, M.D is an African American psychiatrist and human interest writer. He is the founder of Full Circle Health (www.fullcirclehealth.org); Full Circle Confidential (www.fullcircleconfidential.org) and the Full Circle Life Enrichment Center, Inc. (c)

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